How to care for your SOSUKE AIZEN Unit!
by ChaoticOKMA95
Summary: Hey there valued customer. Thank you for your purchase of the AIZEN Unit. Please read this guide so that you can learn how to care for your very own Unit. Rated T for Language. No flames please.


_I DO NOT OWN BLEACH OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS – BLEACH BELONGS TO TITE KUBO._

-START OF GUIDE-

SŌSUKE AIZEN: OWNER'S GUIDE

Congratulations valued customer! You have just purchased Model Number 5/13 of the AIZEN unit in our Captain's Catalogue in section 'S'. This is your Owner's Guide that should address all our basic information about AIZEN, and also the incredibly smart stuff, considering he trolls everyone.

_We just thought that you should know all the signs._

_Bleach Industries – Because no one else cares about the customer but us._

NAME: AIZEN Unit – CAPTAIN OF THE 5TH DIVISION/LORD OF LAS NOCHES – Bleach Catalogue 'S'

DESIGNATION: Trolling, Serious

ASPECT: Greatest Bleach Villain.

SHIKAI CODEWORD: Shatter, Kyoka Suigetsu.

MANIFACTURING DATA: 21/09/12-08:29

MANIFACTURING COMPANY: Bleach Industries – Section 5

STATISTICAL HEIGHT: TALL

STATISTICAL WEIGHT: AVERAGE

...

ATTIRE/CLOTHING

(QUANTITY-TWO) Shinigami Lieutenant/Captain Attire: Black X Kosode and Hakama, complete with Lieutenant's Badge; 5th Division, later switched with Captain's Haori for immediate effect.

(QUANTITY-TWO) Las Noches Lord Attire: White Jacket and Hakama outfit with Purple Obi.

(QUANTITY-ONE) Kyoka Suigetsu Katana: Complete with sharpening kit/set.

(QUANTITY-ONE) Hōgyoku Chrysalis: First Fusion: White Overskin Covering; Complete with Flares.

(QUANTITY-ONE) Hōgyoku Phantom: Second Fusion: White Overskin Covering, without the Head Covering, complete with Long Hair and Purple/White Eyes Lens.

(QUANTITY-ONE) Hōgyoku Butterfly: Third Fusion: White Robe, complete with Butterfly Wings. The Diamond Forehead appears later on as a default setting.

(QUANTITY-ONE) Hōgyoku Demon: Fourth Fusion: White Skin Covering; Blackened Claws and Feet Bones, Complete with Third Eye and White Full Eye. The Wings Will Reconstruct to Demonic Wings.

(QUANTITY-ONE) Medi-Heal Kit and Bacta Tank: For fast-purpose regeneration.

...

STEPS 1-5

When removing the box, this step is very important for the AIZEN unit as it's been known to be forever unpredictable. In some cases, it was brought to the Bleach Industries' attention by our agents that it would act weirdly and causes some of the following scenarios:

Attempt to disappear through Kyoka Suigetsu. In this case use Silph Scope, a classic ghost buster.

Attempt to kill/destroy any nearby units, regardless of affiliation or power level/rating, and will make a habit of doing so.

When obtaining your box from the delivery men, make sure they've given you the actual package. They have been known to change orders yet again due to tax rates rising because of the recession. However, make sure AIZEN is in the box. He always has more than one way to escape. Place the box in an open room and unfold.

Your unit will be active, note, so be prepared for any hostile behaviour. Your unit will step out, already equipped with the Las Noches Attire and Kyoka Suigetsu Katana, so you may be at risk. Quickly introduce yourself before he messes with your mind, making sure to state you're the unit's master and this is his new home. Warning; this does not automatically mean the unit will give you any command (unless you're a crazy fangirl who wants his boy-bits). He may tell you to reconsider your words, as he is the next in line for Kami.

This unit has no problems with being respectful and is rather posh and refined as well as being a calm, tempered man. Give the AIZEN unit some available sustenance. Your unit should begin to give you some respect by then, and will later use your for its own gain, so just be prepared for it when it happens. If he's still hostile then back away. Oh, again, please don't rush, you won't get far if you try to run. We manufactured AIZEN to be a GOD-MOD character. He doesn't need his sword or hands to kill you. He can literally stare you to death.

If you're insured by the Bleach Industries, then we will send your body to the SOUL SOCIETY Industries to be revived. Be warned that due to his nature, he tends to be a thorn in your side if he fails to control you, and may pick off your friends instead or use them for experiments. Note that this will be addressed throughout the guide. Now read on for how to care for your AIZEN.

...

PROGRAMMING

LORD OF LAS NOCHES (Default) – Your AIZEN Unit will play out his supreme life as he does in the manga/anime, annoying people and using the card, "I knew this was going to happen", and then reveal his foolproof plot that proves his claim before he kills you in a fantastic manner. There will always be some possibility that he'll also do the same to you if you're not careful. If you're on bad terms, then he WILL do some damage to you. Your unit tends to be an Aizen-Troll in this mode.

PROVIDER (LEVEL ONE - Locked) – Your AIZEN Unit will start to care more about you as you help him through his extended life (IMMORTALITY: He'll never die). He'll also start to help you out with things you require, and is useful for when you need personal teaching. The guy is an absolute whiz with maths, English and science. He has a habit of making people who antagonize you disappear. Your unit makes brilliant Aizen-Troll decisions on this mode. He's just getting better.

ADVICE FROM KAMI (LEVEL TWO - Locked) – Sometimes, when he's using that false nature of his, your AIZEN Unit can offer words that will always beat other advice given, though this only happens when you have done something for him or an action he likes, such as beating a Shinigami. Here, he'll attempt to give you motivation, in soft, caring words. Your Unit makes the best decisions and is still an Aizen-Troll. He's getting stronger, so watch your back.

PARTNER (LEVEL THREE - Locked) – This one is self-explanatory, depending on nature of your intended partnership. The sub-modes of this are Sexual, Sparring, Housekeeping, and Marriage; and to lighten the ominous mood, we'll inform you that in all of the sub-modes, AIZEN is gentle and kind, though he's probably faking. Your Unit makes the holiest decisions. He's evolving again, but you should feel flattered. When he can't watch, he'll have one of his trusted ESPADA to do it.

SHIKAI (LEVEL FOUR – LOCKED) – With this mode, your AIZEN will become everyone's most hated troll. This just amplifies his killing ability, though he takes his time in battles, so grab popcorn, sit back and watch. In this mode, confrontations WILL occur if he meets any Unit that isn't ESPADA or one of the LAS NOCHES LEADER Units.

BANKAI (LEVEL-?) We don't know anything about this one. We probably never will either. BANKAI is just not something normal people can see at all, and his one beats all the rest. Plotkai nowadays are just invisible. When a person figures it out, WE WILL KNOW ABOUT IT! Beforehand, you will be audience to one of his famous speeches about how he's always one step ahead since the day you were born. Please do not be frightened. Aizen is practising for when he invades the Soul King.

HŌGYOKO (LEVEL FIVE - Locked) – Your AIZEN Unit will join the ranks of Kami and ascend to the storm the heavens above. As the stages go by, please be aware that AIZEN will be in a lot of pain. Having your internal structure does that. By the time he's reached the Third Stage, touching him will not be a good idea, because you'll turn to ash. In these forms, he becomes a powerhouse, and can easily decide to get rid of you if you haven't proved your worth to him. In this form(s), AIZEN becomes cocky and arrogant, which may lead to defeat at the hands of KISUKE and ICHIGO Units.

...

RELATIONSHIPS

OWNER – Depending on choices you make, these two endings will occur.

- Good – He listens to you and follows some commands, though he will outright treat you as a servant. He maintains a stable relationship with owner and can (if you wish of course) eventually end up a relationship between you and the Unit.

- Bad – He ignores everything you say and will end you when you cease to amuse him. This can never happen because only idiots try to overpower AIZEN-KAMI. He maintains a poor relationship with the owner and turns them into a source of entertainment.

ICHIGO: Will only attempt to troll or kill this Unit. He enjoys taking time to explain how screwed the Orange Boy is and makes it his mission to destroy his life as soon as he's created. This can only end in a bad way for anyone who isn't AIZEN.

ULQUIORRA: Rather respectful towards this Unit, though he knows what the Emospada hides from him, but never calls it up. If you have both Units, don't be surprised when they have tea together, or if they prepare to steal a key from another dimension.

ORIHIME: Aizen holds no feeling towards this Unit, but likes to play with her frail emotions for her friends and will be a manipulative bastard to her, especially when he sticks her with ULQUIORRA to take care of her. These moments are priceless and should not be avoided.

GRIMMJOW: A personal favourite for target when he isn't doing his duties, AIZEN Units often love to secretly destroy GRIMMJOW's chances of fighting ICHIGO Units. He has a habit of getting quite annoyed when GRIMMJOW steps over the big red line of boundaries.

...

CARE & SUSTENANCE

Are you honestly asking this? Your AIZEN Unit can wash himself, so leave him to it. Make sure to wash the dirty set of Las Noches Attire and give him the clean one. As for food, always prepare a combination of meat and vegetables for your AIZEN Unit twice a day. If you do a rubbish job for cooking his dinner, he will punish your insubordination. He is always by your side though, and will never leave unless you've bored him.

Your Unit also requires at least 4 litres of water a day as well as a manual on "Destroy Your Lives". Your Unit will require a place to sleep when he's not trying to be Kami. If you have a spare couch or mattress, you sleep on it. The AIZEN will only settle for the very best, even if it's your house.

If you have reached a stage where he feels comfortable around you, then you may request that both of you use the same bed. If you're a female, he will agree to your terms, but you may find yourself unable to leave the bed, more out of fear that he will wake up. Make sure you word your sentence carefully as the Unit may interpret your statement as wanting to literally sleep with him. If you're of the male gender, he will not take much convincing as he cares little.

But please, and we stress on the 'PLEASE!' be cautious. We don't know yet how he'll react, due to lack of proper data in this area. The slash UNIT Upgrade Program hasn't been fully completed yet, due to him constantly annihilating schematics and build-ups of his inner mind.

SCENARIO'S

WARNING! If scenarios occur, please inform us immediately so that others will know. We can't have all the AIZEN's meeting up to discuss world domination, because we'll all be fired.

...

INSTINCTS AND LOGISTICS 

AIZEN is quite possibly the only Unit aside from KISUKE URAHARA who uses intellect and pure mind power to beat his opponents. He is smarter than you, and knows the rules. Make sure to keep his sword sharp. As a LAS NOCHES LEADER MODEL, and CAPTAIN Generation One Model at that, he is incredibly strong and resilient. Treat him right and rewards will shower.

Injuries are now easy to treat with the brand-new MEDI-HEAL that come free of charge in every MODEL. If your AIZEN gets the urge to chase you into the bedroom, a rare event that occurs at least 1/1000 times; then be ready, because he may get kinky ideas from those dirty magazines that you stash under your bed. Don't hide them either, because then he'll want to know. Just be ready for AIZEN's KYOKO SUIGETSU.

ADVICE/AKA – THE RULES!

Here are some precious rules that we at Bleach Industries have made due to the recent reports of hostile and rather unnatural behaviour from GRIMMJOW units.

- Don't mistreat, make fun of or bully the AIZEN. He has little patience for those who royally piss him off, and will kill or torture you.

- Be wary of interactions with other Units. Due to his curious nature, you may be confronted by AIZEN after visiting a friend/co-worker, and if you don't provide a satisfactory answer quickly enough, you may find yourself in an interrogation room until you spill the details.

- If he starts getting lonely, which is highly unlikely, then find the ESPADA catalogue and get the ones which cause less trouble, such as ULQUIORRA or TIER. He will actually thank you for such a kind, generous act, and reward you.

- If you want to activate his SHIKAI, give him his KYOKA SUIGETSU and let him say the release command. This allows him to steal from stores, kill unsuspecting people, rob people blind and make hilarious scenarios that will embarrass others. However, in the tiny situation where you and he are found out, you must run. Oh, and be warned, because if AIZEN sees that you're using him for cheap entertainment, he will turn you into cheap entertainment. You have been warned.

...

FAQ's (FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS)

The Question - My AIZEN Unit is trying to kill me! Why's this?

Answer. Simple really; he's bored of you or you've done something to annoy him. Try to beg for his forgiveness and if that doesn't work, break down into tears and pray to your God.

The Question - My AIZEN Unit keeps staring at me? What do I do?

Answer. You're either a really hard person t read, or AIZEN is formulating a plan that involves you. If it's neither of those, we'd suggest that he may be thinking of doing something with/to you. This may be good or bad depending on your relationship with AIZEN.

The Question –HELL INDUSTRIES – WARNING! Recipient is deceased, death by AIZEN.

Answer. We're not touching that question with a thousand foot pole. This is AIZEN territory so we'll just let the HELL INDUSTRIES handle your mess. Next time, we suggest that you don't annoy the master of Las Noches. He will kill you, make no mistake.

The Question – Help! My AIZEN Unit won't stop trying to do weird things to me!

Answer. Are you a virgin or something? AIZEN has reached the point where he wants to make the sweet love to you. Just let him, because sooner or later, you'll mess up and fall or hide in the bad places, and then AIZEN will find you. Just accept that he wants this with you, because AIZEN Units are normally quite selfish and self-serving.

...

If you have any questions regarding your AIZEN Unit, then contact us via the number of the box. We apologise for the inconvenience of the SLASH Units. When we get one that an AIZEN hasn't got his hands on, we'll start shipping them. Thank you and we hope that you and your AIZEN live the happy life!

_Bleach Industries – Because no one else cares about the customer but us._

-END OF GUIDE-

_As a quick word from the writer himself, I want to say that this idea stemmed from a certain someone who requested an AIZEN. SuperYuuki, enjoy reading, and hopefully, you'll get that AARONIERO Unit you wanted._

_ChaoticOKMA95_


End file.
